Why aren’t you dating?
A redux
I’ve tried to write about why I’m not dating before, and I think I’ve failed. I wasn’t honest. I didn’t go deep enough. There are many reasons I’m not dating even though I want to. Some are surface-level, some are deep. Some are logistical, some are age-related (I suppose..?). All are probably excuses. Why, really, am I not dating, when I want a lover?
Right there, in the word “lover,” is a clue. Note I didn’t say boyfriend. But, why not? Do I really not want a boyfriend? Why did I choose to say lover? Is that, already, a sort of giving up?
You see, it’s easier to say I want a lover. Since ability-to-commit is one of my issues, “lover” is less threatening.
But, I’m a gal like any other, a human like any other. I want what everyone wants, and what so many seem to find damningly elusive. Perhaps I still have the Cinderella mindset, expecting a knight to gallop up on a steed, like in Jane Eyre, dashing and magnificent, and scoop me up on his saddle. It’s heady stuff. Erotic too. And fun, for sure.
It’s a complicated time for men and women and girls and boys and everything in between, and there are a million directions this post could go. I don’t myself know where it will go or what I want to say. This is an exploration, or simply throwing paint on the canvas.
