Today can be different

It can be utterly so

Today can be different. It could be that today is the day I will choose not to look at my phone every ten seconds. It could be the day I will elect not to read every single article, or at least the headlines, in the New York Times, and then open the app obsessively 300 times to see if there’s any “new news.”

It could be the day I decide to be conscious. To make conscious decisions about how I will spend my time, show up in the world, to decide who and how I will be. Today.

Today, I could, just maybe, take a little care in my appearance. Put something on that is remotely pretty.

Today, even though I have already opened the phone before getting out of bed, I could still choose to put the thing down, or even — turn it off. What a notion. What do I think I will miss?

Perhaps to day is the day I do good work, write, read, walk, clean my house, water my garden, call some friends, or even meet one for a coffee.

Tonight can also be different. It’s possible that instead of drinking wine and watching movies on Netflix, I go dancing. How’s that for a notion?

The thing is, as much as I hate to believe it, as much as my actions seem to say I don’t, I have the power to dictate the life I create, and live.

Why am I settling for so little?

You can call it depression. It is a kind of depression, I suppose. But, it feels more like… ennui. Fatigue…