Hi Mateo,

Your missive made me laugh. You know, you address something I realized I forgot to address when I wrote that piece — that is the sudden, unexpected, and sort of laughable, misplaced, bizarre way I’m suddenly, well, kind of SHY. It’s like I’m reverting mightily. I went from shy explorer learning about sex to a fairly confident, open, adventurous partner, and now — lo and behold — to a much less confident one again. The truth is, for me at least, getting older, I need to trust my partner more, because I feel less secure. You’re right: I know longer had quite the same level of beauty and strong, responsive body to match. My body is becoming terra incognita… I don’t like the changes, I’m in denial of them. I try to figure out, will I have the mole on my back removed? The mole that never bothered me before, my entire life, but in the last few years has become… less attractive shall we say. I was in a car a few years ago, making out with a fairly new date, when the car began steaming up like crazy. I panted, “Open a window! I’m having a hot flash!” And my date… well, I might as well have shouted, “I have leprosy!” He leapt back that hard. If he could have gone straight through the seat, he would have. I had to laugh, albeit ruefully. How could it not occur to him that I might be in peri-menopause? I certainly was no longer of child-bearing years! It hurt, this thing that happened. Ah, the indignities. And so, yes, insecurities crop up, and I naturally gravitate toward… at least the idea of… a lover I can trust, who will accept me as I am. Thank you for targeting that very important part I forgot.

Writer, copywriter, editor, and word lover. Subscribe to my newsletter at christywhite.substack.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store