Yesterday, I spent nearly the entire work day — at least seven hours — on an article in which I admitted something I’m ashamed of, even more so, in fact, far more so, than anything else I’ve written about. I actually published it, and then, within the hour, had deleted it. I didn’t even hesitate when Medium warned me that once I deleted said article, it would be gone forever. I didn’t both to copy and paste it into Word. A short while later, I felt a little pang about it.
Anyway, just to say, I understand these feelings.
I think you should publish what you wrote (I see I couldn’t like it, so I guess you only shared a draft with me?). I tried to “like” it because articles like this do free others because they allow others to simply be. To realize that these feelings as painful as they are are just part of the human experience. But boy are they harmful.
I hope you can get out of that place of “hating” cooking. I know what you mean though. Sometimes, I feel like a complete fraud in the kitchen. When I actually think about what I know and can cook reliably, it’s actually very little, as you say is true for you. If you were to ask me about certain methods or flavor combinations, I wouldn’t have much of a clue. I can only really wing a pasta sauce. And I still haven’t mastered scrambled eggs even remotely. I only recently stopped burning omelets.
I get it. But you don’t give yourself credit for being the cook of the house, which is a huge, important, much appreciated job. So many people aren’t fed at all, aren’t cared for at all in this way. It’s a basic unit of caring, and you show up, time and time again, even when it pains you.
I think that’s very important. Maybe even enough.
Thanks for sharing, Josh.