Thank you for your thoughtful reply, and for reading! Yes, I felt and still feel deflated also for changing my name. As if there’s something I need to feel ashamed for or about. It confuses me.
I suspect that muzzling myself due to others’ fears (and mine too now that they’ve been stoked) makes it much harder to write freely and see what happens. To explore. And that’s what I’ve found to be true.
I don’t know the answer; I haven’t found it yet. I miss writing too.
I will return, somehow.
It’s possible I need to write “traditionally,” meaning, in private, on paper or typewriter or just my hard drive, think it over, edit where and how appropriate to protect myself and others, if need be, and then hit publish.
If I can develop that discipline.
Or, throw all care to the wind and trust a little.
I sense and believe that we’re all really about the same. What could I possibly say that most of us haven’t already done, felt, said, experienced? It’s kind of weirdly arrogant to think my “stuff” is so special, so tantalizing, that it can actually endanger me or others!
I find it all a little silly.
So, I don’t have the answer yet. :(
I wish I did and could share it with you!